Merry Christmas Eve, dear readers. Let's begin this post with what I have been doing since the last post.
So far, I have been accepted as a writer for Union Gospel Press, but no jobs have been sent out yet. I have also sent out more articles to different magazines and blogs, but no acceptances as of today.
I have received my check from Brio magazine from Focus on the Family. I am glad I have it, but there is a warning light going off in my head telling me I need to work harder.
Now I have to make a confession which will lead into the next part of this blog post.
Instead of relaxing and preparing for Christmas Day like any other normal person, I found myself looking for work today. As I looked and found most jobs I was completely unqualified for, I was on the verge of tears. In fact, as I am writing this, I realize that I no longer have control over my writing career. Also, more importantly, God doesn't have control over it either--fear does.
I think fear has had control of it from the outset and I am not happy about that. Fear of failing and not being able to support myself with my writing and fear of never being validated for my writing has gripped me.
Fear is a demonic taskmaster with a spiked, ten foot long whip in its hand. It screams at me to "work, work, work" and don't stop working until I say so. It knows my weaknesses--the things that bring it out--and it brings friends along. These friends are just as evil, but they are only minions to this psychotic villain. Their names are depression, uncertainty, and failure.
So I am taking a stand. I am quitting the writing profession.
Well, that may be a bit dramatic. I am not quitting it entirely. I would never forgive myself if I did.
I am stepping back from it for the holidays. Since today is Monday, I figure now is as good a time to do it as any.
I will pray that God will keep me away from the writing job boards, away from my Christian Writers' Market, even away from my current novel in progress on my laptop. I ask whoever is reading this, pray for me.
I need to rest my brain for a while.
I hope to see you all in the new year. Merry Christmas, everyone.
Sometimes we do have to step back and take stock, Kayla. Years ago one of my writers in early December was fretting over not being able to write. I told her to give herself permission to take time off until after the New Year. She did--and when early January rolled around,she was off and writing again;.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in your writing fears. They haunt even selling authors, yet the Bible tells us that "perfect love casts out fear." Give your anxiety to the Lord. Let Him do what He will with it. He doesn't expect us to carry the weight--that's His job.
Taking time off is what you need. You have put in a busy year since you came to me.I am proud of what you have accomplished. Now you need to rest. Even Jesus had to withdraw from the multitudes and seek time alone. And he wept over Jerusalem because He was not getting a good response.
You have the talent. Let God supply the opportunities--in His time.
Love,
Colleen
Too often we quote, "Work as if everything depends on us,' and we fail to add the rest of the saying, "And pray as if everything depends on God."
It does.
I believe that even as Christians, we get psyched out sometimes like our identity itself was dependent on our success or failure, when it's really relational... our identity as sons and daughters of God in Jesus Christ. He's already done the important work, and He will love us no matter what. If you do take up your writing again, as I pray you will, remember it's "not by might, nor by power, but by HIS Spirit." I'm so grateful to God that you have His Spirit, and friends like Colleen as well:) Merry Christmas!
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